just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
