If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
