i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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