too bad you live with your parents still
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
