Your mouth is God's brothel.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
