We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
