flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
