in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
