He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
