Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
