yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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