it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
