You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
