I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
