I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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