Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
