LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
