My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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