no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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