Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
