you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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