i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
