New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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