Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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