I wanna bring you to show and tell
barbara walters just said penis...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
