Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
