The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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