woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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