What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
