How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
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He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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