Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
