It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
