do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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