I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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