They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
