I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize