we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.