no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dating After Heartbreak
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How drunk are you?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...