just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
