I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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