I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
