I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
