i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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