Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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