the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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