seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
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You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize