i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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