It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I deserve this hangover.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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