How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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