people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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