the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
