no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
