Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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