No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
