he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
