I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize