Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I am midnight drunk by noon
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
