hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
