so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
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thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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