You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
