So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
