Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
