I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
