I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
