Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
